I have never been a very social person and, because of that, don’t have many close friends. My wife, however, is the opposite of that and has plenty of girlfriends she likes to hang out with.
At one point in our marriage, I dreaded her friends. This is because, like most couples, we do have our pet peeves and arguments and I knew she would be discussing those with her girlfriends. That, in itself, wasn’t a big deal since everyone needs to vent.
But, mostly because they didn’t know me very well and were basing their opinion off of the little bit of information she was giving them, they would sometimes give her advice that did more harm than good.
While I didn’t appreciate outside opinions and advice hurting our marriage, I also didn’t want to be one of those husbands who never let their wives see their friends. So, instead, I took the high road and found ways to win those same friends over.
The first thing I did was socialize more
I’m a little careful with this because I don’t want my wife thinking I’m trying to steal her friends (or something more inappropriate). I have, however, taken the time to learn a little something about each of her friends so I can have conversations with them that are longer than a simple “hi.” This, in turn, gives them the opportunity to learn a bit more about me.
Another thing I do is advertise
I’m the type of guy who buys my wife flowers for no reason, writes her poetry and even makes her breakfast in bed. In the past, this was pretty much a big secret. But, today, thanks to her Facebook wall, I’m able to let her friends see the flowers and read the poems.
That way, when she does go out with them and vents about something negative in our relationship, they have first-hand evidence of the good things I do too.
The last thing I do is try to include her friends
Again, I’m a bit careful with this because I don’t want anybody getting the wrong idea. But, when my wife and I have date nights, her friends are free to meet us somewhere for drinks (I’ve even invited her one married friend to join us on a double date). Or, if we are planning a shopping trip to an out-of-town mall, she knows she can invite one of her friends to go with us.
They are also invited to birthday parties and other get-togethers because I know, the more casual interaction I have with them, the better they will get to know me.
My wife still has her girls’ nights and still has friends she can open up to and vent to. But, because of these steps, her friends are much more careful about the advice they give her and let us resolve our marital problems ourselves.