The purpose of this article is to get you to significantly change your basic common sense in regards to how you should be interacting with women.
If you are reading this article you are most certainly aware of yourself as being someone who struggles to develop a sexual relationship with a woman.
What is essential to truly understand is that social convention has hypnotized you into thinking that woman can only be attracted to you or have a relationship with you if you are good looking or rich or both.
And so the effects of these phony thoughts are that they undermine your reality, how you conduct your life socially, and how you act in front of women.
For the most part, one of two things may happen. One possibility is that a guy with these beliefs will not have the self-esteem to participate in the social game of seducing a woman; he believes on a fundamental level that he is not worthy and is not deserving of a beautiful woman.
Obviously, this prevents him from attracting beautiful women. The other possibility is a guy might just go through life avoiding conversations with women who are attractive to him because he believes what attracts girls are fixed attributes like looks, prestige, fame, personal history with sexual relationships with women.
He defines himself as someone who lacks the attributes that are necessary for getting hot girls interested and attracted, and so avoids approaching women in whatever environment (clubs, parks, college, grocery store) because he believes he will be rejected automatically because he does fulfill the alleged requirements. These beliefs form the basic common sense that most guys have about attracting women.
The most essential thing to this essay is that you need to realize that your basic common sense about how men and women end up being sexual is totally false and not worth having. If you truly understand these two concepts, you are going to have no further problems with women.
Think about your every day reality: you are at a park or a coffee shop and you see a cute girl standing around– if you are attracted to her then you obviously want to talk to her and probably spend time with her, but you think she wont want to talk to you and thus it is not worth approaching her because you think it is a game you cant win .
Firstly, you need to realize that the idea that you are lacking some “attribute” that qualifies you as an attractive person is false. The guy who does not attract women is playing a trick on himself, and is deceiving himself that he cannot attract women because the truth is that a guy will never be able to examine all the variables as to whether he should approach a girl. “pickups” happen in the moment- no girl is seriously assessing a guys attributes during a convo– she is reacting to how he behaves and how enjoyable the conversation is.
You need to realize that what gets girls on a fundamental level is approaching girls and then getting them to want to continue the conversation at a later time. You have to approach girls to be in any kind of relationship with one.
The approach is fundamental to talking to women in whatever environment you are– if you are not approaching girls you are not talking to them. It is a very simple concept.
You need to really think about if it is worth it to you to go through life avoiding women– seriously ask if it is worth it to you to let whatever belief that is keeping you from approaching women keeping you from talking to women and attracting them.
If you realize these concepts it becomes part of your common sense to approach girls because you you see the futility in not approaching them because the only thing that determines how many girls you attract and keep in your life is if you approach them or not.
How do you develop your skills in approaching and attracting women? You need to build your self-confidence and realize your own value as a person in the world.
If you want to start being an attractive male, then take control of your own reality, and do not have other people dictate their reality onto you. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that no one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission.
Right now, you need to make it a priority for yourself to stop looking to other people on how to act and how to think. Guys who are good with women on some level understand that they are in control of their own life, and that they are responsible for their happiness and their success, and not anyone else.
You need to make it part of your reality that you are equal to everyone in the world, and so what anyone thinks about you is not necessarily the truth–especially if it is negative.
This is something that outgoing and friendly people understand. Most people’s sense of self is intimately tied up to what other people think, and if this describes you then will you never get a high level of success with girls.
Think about the simplicity of attracting women. All you have to do is go up to her and be outgoing, fun, and truly yourself, and then agree on a way to stay in touch. But there are so many factors that corrupt your self-confidence.
This ultimately comes down to the thoughts that you have. Most people are completely controlled by their thoughts, and they are never at peace because there is internal self-dialogue that keeps them from being in the moment, and truly having fun.
Thoughts like “people are going to judge me”, “this girl is too good for me” “I am not good looking enough”, “I will embarrass myself” stop you from bringing awesome girls into your life when you go out to a club, or when you are at class in college, or when you are at a party, or the grocery store.
SO, you probably are wondering, how do I get rid of these thoughts?
The key is to develop your self-confidence. This means that you need to realize that you have value. When guys know that they have value, their brain gives them permission to access their best and sharpest personality.
Think about a time when you felt comfortable in a social setting, and you did not have any negative self-dialogue that usually makes you doubt yourself.
You were genuinely happy and confident with the words coming out of your mouth. So when I previously said that you need to take control of your reality, what that really means is you need to take control of your mind.
You cannot let other people, girls or guys, influence how you think about yourself or how you live in your world.
If you decide for yourself how to live and not look to society, then you will undoubtedly be happy and optimistic.
Your looks and your wealth are of only marginal value to the quality of your inner confidence that you project when conversing with the ladies. No one can determine your value you for you, unless you think they can.
Deep down, you know how to be interesting, and funny, and just vibe with people, but what keeps you from that is all of your negative thoughts that spring up into your awareness. You need to see those thoughts as useless and blocking you from achieving not only success with girls but success in life.
Sit back and imagine how you would act if you were confident that people easily became your friends, and that you knew you were a cool guy whose time is valuable to people.
Imagine how relaxed you would be if you did not need the approval of other people because you were comfortable and in control of your own reality, and your sense of self did not depend on what people thought of you.
Imagine how you could talk to beautiful girls with ease and relaxation, not caring about the outcome because your happiness does not depend on what she thinks of you.
Imagine being so confident and happy that that you don’t even worry about approaching girls anymore because sharing your personality with the world is fundamental to who you are.
Imagine truly being at home in the world, and feeling a oneness with all people, and having no fear of people because you know that you have a connection with the whole of humanity, and your love is unconditional.
It is up to you to break the bad habit of negative thinking and poor self-confidence and find your core confidence that lets you have access to your best self or your true self.