Interview with Psychotherapist Melissa Hargrave, LPC, LMFTa
Are you a man who is having a difficult time successfully dating? Are you unsure on what mistakes you are making? To help understand what dating mistakes you could be making and for expert advice on dating, I have interviewed psychotherapist Melissa Hargrave, LPC, LMFTa.
Tell me a little bit about yourself
“I am a licensed psychotherapist in Austin, Texas, specializing in relationships, gender, and sexuality. I work with individuals, couples, families, and groups by exploring client concerns, co-creating solutions and building on client strengths and resources.”
What are common mistakes men make when dating?
“Mistakes happen, even for the best of men, and a common mistake men make is not presenting their best self on a date. You are your best asset to achieve dating success, and your manners, grooming, health, and communication skills are very much a part of you!
Showing up unkempt and struggling to find something to talk about on a first date can be stressful and spell out disaster quickly. It is important to look good, feel good and be prepared for conversation.
Another common mistake men make is not being realistic about dating. Men (and don’t we all?) tend to have some expectations on what dating should look like, including how long it should take before finding the right person, how to find the right person, what to do on dates, how people perceive us, and how we perceive others.
If you hope to have sex on the first date, expectations may not meet reality and being in tune with this may make the difference between a good date and a bad one.”
What are some tips you can give to men to help them be successful daters?
“If you sometimes find that being yourself is getting in the way of dating successfully, then it is important to check yourself. Your friends and family, self help books and online guides can be great resources to explore a multiplicity of do’s and don’ts for having great dating experiences.
These resources may give you valuable feedback for looking and being your best. A friend may be able to tell you if you could use a haircut or an update in style.
While an online guide or book might give you some ideas on how to keep dating real by connecting you with generally accepted ideas on how to find the right person.
Another great resource is yourself and by taking some time to figure out what you really want from a relationship, you can better recognize when you have found the right person, or not. Consider that by presenting your best self and being realistic about dating you can increase your self-confidence significantly.
Having confidence in yourself not only makes you automatically more attractive it can also help you improve your approach to potential partners, boost your communication skills and manage either too much attention from others or too little, as in rejection. ”
What type of professional help is available for men that having a difficult time in being successful in dating?
“Certainly there are stylists who can help update your hair and clothes. If you are looking for ways to increase your dating potential, a good haircut and stylish looks go a long way to upping your sexy factor.
You can also increase your dating potential by working with someone who specializes in connecting people through dating services and groups.
Dating services may work to diversify your dating efforts, elevating you from the bar or bookstore to outdoors or in the community. Also, consider making an appointment with a therapist, who specializes in relationships.
Therapists can be a great resource to confidentially explore your expectations, roadblocks to being your best self, improving communication skills, exploring what you want from a relationship and ways to find and maintain a satisfying relationship.