Everywhere we look there are seminars, Internet websites, and magazine articles that give us a hundred different perspectives and a thousand pieces of advice on dating: how to dress, how to talk, who to talk to, tips and tricks for a better sex life, hints on how to keep our man interested, the list goes on.
What we don’t seem to have enough of are advice columns and magazine articles for the men. I have had a number of male friends throughout my life that have all posed the same question: why are women so complicated?
The truth is, gentlemen… we aren’t that difficult to understand, and we’re actually very easy to please. Women operate on a foundation of trust, loyalty, and affection, and these things are pretty easy to establish if you are honest with her and show her that you care for her.
Read on for some tips snagging and hanging onto that great girl that are not only simple, but very effective.
If you’re looking for something real, don’t troll the bars
If you’re on the market and you’re looking for something more than a fleeting one-night-stand, avoid the bars and clubs. The majority of the women I have met throughout my adult life believe (and in my experience, are justified in believing) that men that go out drinking on the weekends are on the prowl.
They are likely trolling for a fling, and so the women that go to these bars are either specifically looking for just that, or they are not looking at all. Women, especially in their twenties, tend to go out partying on the weekends either for a good time in bed or a good time with their friends, no guys allowed.
Take a look at their attire: if a girl is dressed in four-inch spike heels and a skirt that leaves nothing to be desired, she’s not interested in finding a nice, respectable guy that will treat her right. She knows that what she’s wearing will snag her one thing and one thing only: fun.
Pay attention to wardrobe
There are extremes that can alert you to a woman’s personality. Pay attention to how she carries herself in her clothes, because if she isn’t comfortable in her clothes, she will be pulling at them and adjusting them, and if she is doing that, it’s likely that she either has a self-esteem problem or is wearing ill-fitting attire.
What you’re looking for is a girl that knows how to balance her wardrobe; someone who knows what to wear, when it’s appropriate to wear it, and how to wear it well. It may sound meaningless, but what a girl wears and how she wears it can say a lot about who she is.
Don’t make her do all the talking on the first date
Your intentions may be pure enough: you let her talk because you want to get a feel for her personality and learn everything you can about her. But the flaw in the plan is that a woman that feels like she is doing all the talking will potentially see your silence as your lack of interest.
If you really do just want to get to know her, use a strategy. Ask her questions that you’re interested in learning the answers to (within reason, use your judgment), and offer your own stories and comments to demonstrate how the two of you can relate to each other and what you may have in common.
Stimulating conversation is an important part of any relationship. For some suggestions on having great first-date conversations, check out How to Have Good Conversations on Your First Date by Jennie Lee Williams.
Make enough space for her in your life, but don’t smother her
This works both ways, and is an important balance to maintain, but it’s not as difficult as it seems. One of the biggest hints here is do not schedule time together more than you absolutely have to. Spontaneity is likely a key in a healthy, happy relationship (check out this article by Carissa Chesanek on the benefits of being spontaneous in relationships).
Women thrive on random acts of affections: play with her hair when she lays her head in your lap to watch television, leave a flower (such as a lily, a daisy, etc… roses are always appreciate, but vastly overrated) on her bed or even in the windshield of her car, kiss her when you pass her in the hallway.
Do fun things together such as carnivals, silent films, a new ethnic restaurant, going on impulsive weekend trips to unfamiliar cities, or maybe take her out to the soccer field with a blanket to have a night of meaningful conversation under the stars. Make sure, however, that you don’t spend every waking moment together.
The two biggest extremes that women complain over are “he’s never around, he never wants to do anything” and “he’s too clingy, I feel like I’m suffocating”.
If you classify yourself as clingy, just remind yourself that it’s one of the biggest turn-offs to both sexes: don’t be a complete mystery, but don’t “bare all” either.
Don’t be too ego-sensitive in the bedroom
A healthy, satisfying sex life contributes to a healthy relationship far more than many people realize or would even like to admit. Many of us (namely women) wish it wasn’t so, but the truth is, there is nothing wrong with it.
The contradiction lies in the fact that while sex is commercialized and cheapened by modern culture, it is, between the right people, still a beautiful act of love.
Men are notorious for inflated egos (no offense, guys). They are easily wounded by what they perceive to be sexual criticism, but the truth is, our bodies are very different.
Men have virtually everything laid out in the open and it’s not terribly hard to figure out what to do with it. Women, however, have much more mysterious equipment.
Unfortunately, no matter how much research you do on a woman’s anatomy, the reality is that every woman is different in what works for her sexually. Better than any self-help article or book on how to please a woman is asking her yourself.
So be open to her suggestions and tips, and feel free to even ask her flat-out what sort of things she prefers. You may be pleasantly surprised with the results.
Get comfortable, but not lazy
A lot of men love to be taken care of. If you’re lucky enough to find a woman that enjoys cooking, cleaning, and/or doing the laundry, you’ve got yourself a good one. But the important thing to remember about this is that if you let yourself get too comfortable with such treatment, you may start to get lazy.
No matter how much your girl may enjoy housewife-ish duties, she does still need to know that it’s appreciated. Remember to reciprocate in whatever ways you find appropriate: surprise her with a homemade dinner every once in a while, help her fold the laundry, or simply tell her how much you appreciate everything she does.
Take it from someone who has been there: even just a mere “thanks babe, dinner was great. I love that you take such good care of me” is often substantially effective, as opposed to sitting in your recliner the rest of the night playing video games or surfing the Internet and ignoring her while she washes the dishes by herself.
Don’t be too proud to say you’re sorry
So you’ve got the girl, you’ve gotten to know her, and you’re officially a happy couple. Smooth sailing from here on out, right?
Relationships are never easy; they take work. That’s not a fact you’ll find a reputable source for anywhere, it’s just how it is. There will be days that will be smooth and effortless, and there will be days that you’ll have to work at it.
You should never feel bad about the fact that you and your significant other will have disagreements, because differences in opinion and even the occasional fight over something blown out of proportion is perfectly human, and perfectly normal.
Granted, there are plenty of relationships out there that consist of nothing but fighting, and those are not healthy. But there is something to be said about a couple that cares enough to argue every once in a while.
The important thing to remember is that apologies go incredibly far, and especially if you are the first one to speak. Even if you feel you were right and she was wrong, saying something like “look, I know we don’t agree on this, but I’m sorry I got upset. I didn’t mean to raise my voice” is highly effective.
Please keep in mind, guys: this is based on my personal experiences with my friends (of both genders), as well as men I’ve dated. THESE TIPS DO NOT APPLY TO ALL WOMEN.
Each woman is unique, but the the more you learn about how they tend to operate, the better luck you’ll have out there. Get to know your girl, what makes her tick, what makes her happy, and put it to good use. Not all women are the same, but a lot of us are similar.
Now go out there and get her!